The Roselle Park Leader
I grew up in a small town in New Jersey named Roselle Park, attending high school with about 500 other students total. I no longer live there, but I still check the internet site of the local newspaper (The Roselle Park Leader) to keep up with local news about the town I grew up in and care for so dearly.Okay, that last sentence was a total bullshit.
I only check the site for the Police Blotter, because in the past it has listed the chronic arrest of numerous people who I went to school with. HELLO, AWESOME!
Unfortunately, it seems that the good times have come to an end. Within the last 6 months or so, the reporting in this section has been scant to none at all, and in general doesn’t list the crimes of residents of the town — preferring to focus on other people who come into the town and commit “crimes” (I say “crimes” because in general if you’re in the town and you don’t actually live here, that’s usually enough of a “crime” to get harrassed by the cops, especially if you happen to be un-white).
I mean, a year or two ago, you had a report about some guy I went to school with who accidentally set his PANTS and HOUSE on fire while cooking up HEROIN — all the while fighting off the fire department from entering his house because it was full of incriminating drug paraphernalia. You had assault and battery by a guy who used to punch me in the face! You had public drunkenness! You name it! It was great. But alas, no more!
As of late, I think they must have put some policy in place where the police either never talk about people in the town and the crimes they’ve committed, or neglect to hand in the blotter at all so that people don’t get notified when awesome and hilarious things happen, for example, pants on fire.
THIS IS TOTALLY LAME!
So I wrote a letter of complaint. It will probably never make it onto the internet site, so I’m posting it here.
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Dear Z-wire and the Leader, The content of the Roselle Park police blotter as of late has been SORELY LACKING. What is the DEAL with that?
Some weeks, there isn’t even one posted for Roselle Park! The Kenilworth one, however, is always posted. Who cares about freakin’ KENILWORTH? It’s a town full of jerks! A veritable jerk town!
I need to keep updated on the people I know from high school and their various arrests! It is my right as a citizen to methodically catalog and take delight in the the failures and legal transgressions of people I vaguely remember from my past! HOW CAN YOU TAKE THAT AWAY? It’s enough to make baby Jesus cry. Sincerely, |