Oops! Choco Donuts
Two Reasons why Cap’n Crunch’s Oops! Choco Donuts Cereal is like 10 times better than you are:
- They are produced and sponsored by a high ranking nautical official who is wearing a special hat. Are you a high ranking nautical official?I DIDN’T FUCKING THINK SO.
- They’re fucking CHOCOLATE GODDAMN DONUTS. But they’re cereal! Itty bitty donuts! With sprinkles! That’s such a good idea it should be illegal. Are you a little tasty sprinkle covered donut? No you are not.
On a much more serious note, though….
Choco Donuts are part of the “OOPS!” line of Captain Crunch cereals purported to be ‘accidentally’ manufactured by Quaker Oats. We are to believe that due to some crazy mishap at the factory, new cereals get created all the time over at Quaker and alarm bells are not being set off left and right by the FDA.
The first cereal in the “OOPS!” line was ‘OOPS! All Crunchberries’. I guess it’s pretty easy to picture a machine jamming up somewhere, filling cereal boxes with nothing but delicious crunchberries. This is plausable — nobody with any sense likes that yellow brick nonsense anyway.
But next, of course, came “OOPS! Choco Donuts”.
The Choco Donut genesis fable is much more thin than that of the Crunchberry. The back of the box displays a chocolate river that the Cap’n ran into on one of his misadventures. I’m not exactly certain how this developed into a cereal produced by Quaker Oats, but apparently it did and additional explanations are not provided.
I think the question that needs to be asked is: when are all these manufacturing errors going to stop? I’m not sure I can trust a company that produces incorrect cereal and yet does not seek measures to prevent such mistakes from occurring in the future.
Look! A rat got caught in machine #3. I have an idea! New cereal — It’s called “Oops! Rat Heads”. But actually, we need to do something about this rat problem we have. So — new cereal! It’s called “Oops! Arsenic”
Shit! We’re out of cereal. I’ve got it! How about “Oops! No Fucking Cereal for You, LOSER”
I’d buy that.
Addendum: Quaker has since re-marketed “Oops! Choco Donuts” as just “Choco Donuts.” We will still wait patiently for them to rename “Oops! No Fucking Cereal for You, LOSER” to “No Fucking Cereal for You, LOSER” — but we’re not holding our breath.