My Various Neuroses (Assorted)
disarm the cat
Recently I have noticed that, in moments of absent mindedness, I will unknowingly attempt to open pretty much every locked thing with my car alarm deactivation button. It doesn’t really matter where I am, at work, home, the bathroom, a funeral (hey, who keeps locking this casket?). So far, no luck.
beverages and free will
If I’m eating with someone, and I am about to grab my beverage for consumption — and at that very moment, the person I am eating with grabs THEIR beverage for consumption before I make a play for mine, I will set off an internal counter in my mind to let a sufficient time period elapse between the consumption of my own beverage, lest the other person feel as though they are influencing control over my free will.
uncomfortable noise regeneration
If I sit down on a leather or plastic surface that emits an audible squeak of a noise that could be misinterpreted as an UNCOMFORTABLE NOISE, I will make an attempt to replicate such noise in an exaggerated manner by being semi-restless on said surface so that anyone who heard the initial noise can rest assured that I alone was not responsible for its generation.
that which shall not be named
Since I am so poor at remembering names, somehow, without being aware of it, I have developed a system where I really never have to use them. It’s not even a situation where it’s mildly uncomfortable or awkward, it honestly just never comes up — and I don’t actively try for it, I guess it just happens? An ex-girlfriend’s mother discovered this adaptation when she realized that, during the entire 2 years of dating her daughter, I had never referred to her by name or title of any kind. The mother, that is, not whatsherface.