Conversation with Charles Darwin
Currently there is a very large prehistoric insect flying to and fro about my apartment. It’s about an inch and a half big and it keeps slamming into the window in a futile attempt to escape my apartment. On some level, I can relate.Why did it expend all that energy to get in in the first place, I wonder? Which brings up a thought about how in movies like Indiana Jones, there is often just a room of random snakes waiting for something to happen, like statue to break, so they can all bust up and get all up in your shit. Like all these fucking snakes just hang out in a room together and play cards or something waiting for some dude with a hat and a whip to have an unfortunate accident? What are these snakes eating? Why do they avoid certain rooms?
These mysteries may never be solved, and that makes me sad. Sssssad. Like a snake. Snakes are sad. They never smile. If I didn’t have arms I’d probably be fairly upset too.
Why the fuck aren’t there any animals with wheels? You’d think that by random chance some would evolve some. What of the WHEELS Charlie Darwin? Can I call you Charlie? No? Well, alright.
I wonder what I’d say if I could sit down with Charles Darwin and have a conversation?
Jay: “Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup Charlie”
Charles Darwin: “Please, Call me Charles”
Jay: “OK CHARLIE”
Charles Darwin: “NO!!!!”
Jay: “So CHARLIE, how come animals don’t have wheels?”
Charles Darwin: “Maybe because you keep calling me CHARLIE AND I DON’T LIKE THAT. MAYBE THATS WHY”
Jay: “H-E-L-L-O Mr. Touchy”
Charles Darwin: “NO!!!!”
Well, now I know.